Leap of Faith

Blah, blah, blah for your eyes ⇒Forked roads. Life is full of them but I don’t really think about them too much. I just trudge idly and absentmindedly like a zombie until I get to wherever. In life, in my life anyway, I learned  that there aren’t really wrong choices or, since we are talking about roads, wrong paths. There is always somewhere to go. Road blocks? You can always get around them.

This time though, this forked road is a big one and is not one to be ignored. One path, I guess we can say that it’s the linear one, is the one that zombie me has been using for years and leads to I don’t know where, but I sure can’t help the several zombie yawns along the way! Then there’s the other path, the one that deviates from my usual mundane existence and leads to a cliff (a sort of launching pad and not the end of the road. I’d like my visualizations to be positive), where I am to take my (gulp!) leap of faith to WHERE? I also don’t know.

Leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith. I’ve been hearing this in my mind a lot. Over and over and over: a stirring and distinct (and persuasive!) rhythm which makes my heart beat a little stronger, a little quicker.

This is what I do know: I’m THE FOOL. I have waited for so long and I am meant to jump now. JUMP! NOW!

So I am jumping. Now. ⇐ end of blah, blah, blah.

Word count: 263.

But all I really wanted to say was, goodbye, job. 

Happy.

More blah, blah, blah for your eyes  ⇒Come May 16, I shall become a full-fledged bratty mom and embrace my world of clutter and kitsch and ephemera and chaos completely by venturing into the unpredictable world of arts and crafts.

It has been so long that I almost forgot that once, a long time ago, this was what I wanted, sans the bratty mom part. LOL!  — adding LOL! to soften the statement, like, if I’m saying it out loud, I’d add a little laugh, as even if I’m saying it in jest. But I’m not. LOL!

Me@17 years old: Parents, I am going to study Fine Arts in college! And I am going to be an artist of some sort sans the bratty mom part!

Parents: No, you’re not. You’re going to enroll in a bleh-bleh course and work in a bleh-bleh office wearing bleh-bleh uniforms until you grow bleh-bleh old. And you’re never getting married!

How naïve, my parents probably thought. They weren’t convinced because I had nothing to show but bad grades and notebooks dirty with ugly doodles. So scaredy cat me went to college to take up a randomly chosen bleh-bleh course just to get it over with. I used to hang out in the library reading art books and staring at pictures of paintings of the masters with such longing (I even crushed on a sculpture of a hottie) while waiting for my dad to pick me up when I didn’t know how to commute then. What happened to that longing? Nothing. Because I did nothing until I just forgot all about it.

I did fiddle with arts and crafts over the years. Once in a while, I’d get these bouts of inspiration, or BOIs from hereon, which allowed me to produce mediocre pieces, but I wasn’t brave enough to take the leap back then. I think I may have been hoping for some moral support from the people around me and the stark lack of it was disheartening.  I realize now that support would have been nice to have but should not have been a deciding factor. Also, the dry spells in between these BOIs span years that make me just totally forget about it all. Yaiks. If I were speaking the last sentence out loud, it’s as if I were talking about something else… dry spells in between these “boys”… LOL again.

Fast forward to 2014.  The BOIs, they happened again! As you can see in my D-I-Y posts In my other blog, in Facebook abd in Instagram the past few months, I’m getting all crafty and creative once more! Since the last D-I-Y post until now, the inspirations just keep on coming!

Then I realized, hey yo, wasn’t this my dream a long time ago? I’m sort of living it now!

So happy! 🙂

…and so tired. 😦

work + crafts + motherhood = sleepless nights.

Sooner or later, I will have to trim down my time for crafting or stop altogether like I did before so I could get some rest. But the thought of doing that made me feel awful. Giving up motherhood is out of the question (awww…).

Think, M., think.

I have committed too many years of my life for both the government (a thankless job, but you’re welcome anyway) and the corporate sectors. I don’t regret those years because of the takeaways (friendships, lessons, experiences, chocolates, etc). But it’s time I take a leave. A permanent leave.

To my surprise, the decision was not hard at all. It felt right.  So I gave myself some time to prepare for the jump.  I saved a little, invested a little here and there, stopped spending on clothes…just a little safety net in case my decision sucked.

A selfish decision? Maybe. But so what? I am not hurting anyone.

A leap of faith, I tell people. A long overdue leap of faith.  I think some people find it odd when I tell them, as if they’re suspecting me of fibbing… as if there’s some other more intriguing, gossip-worthy  reason that I am leaving. Or maybe they’re just not used to seeing someone crazy-stupid enough to chase a dream.

Here’s hoping to more BOIs.  ⇐ Until the next blah, blah, blah.

So there you go. Goodbye, old job.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s